More than likely your significant other works in a high-stress, relatively dangerous position. His utmost best is required from him on a daily basis. He can’t have an ‘off’ day, can’t let his guard down, can’t be lazy. Even days where the Mr is not super busy, the shop is full of playful banter, teasing, playground antics. In short, his guard is never down. Luckily, his commute is only 20 minutes most days, but this does not give him much time to detox from work.
It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes he’ll come home with a little bit of work left over. He doesn’t realize it, but he comes home a different person. Distant, irritable, short, snarky. He’s never mean or rude, just a different person. Sometimes the distance just hurts.
It often reminds me of “The Good Wife’s Guide,” rumored to be printed in May of 1955 (although now it’s come out that it is a tongue-in-cheek hoax). It is an over-the-top description of the role of a housewife before the feminist movement. Although its sarcastic, it does make a few good points:
- Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives.
- Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
- During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order…
- This, to me, is particularly important. Our home, no matter where it is, is our sanctuary. It’s our place to relax, recharge, refresh, re-energize for the next day. Little luxuries like candles or flowers make a world of difference, not just for him but for you too!
- Be happy to see him.
- Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
- Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity.
- Where I don’t necessarily agree with this, I do think we should not immediately ask him how his day at work was. That will just keep the work-mindset going. When he’s had a moment to relax and detox and get back in home-mood, he’ll share the parts of his day he wants to share with you. When we ask them questions about their day the minute they walk in the door, it can feel like an interrogation.
Does your hubby bring work home? Was he different after his last deployment? Do you do anything special to help him relax when he gets home?
- A House Wives Burden (skamuxs.wordpress.com)
- Husband Project – Day 1 Kick Off (daysforchange.wordpress.com)